Children of A Retired God

Oseloka Obaze on Children of A Retired God

2006-07-09T21:17:00.000-07:00

“Okonkwo puts his punditry acumen to work in this collection of lovely essays, that piercingly X-rays the plight of the black race through their own fault and those of others.” – Oseloka Obaze on Children of a Retired God

For a copy of Children of A Retired God

2006-07-09T19:45:00.000-07:00

For a copy of Children of A Retired God, please send a check of $20.00 or its equivalent in Euro to:

Iroko Productions LLC,
P. O. Box 541,
Lynn,
MA 01905
U.S.A

Children of A Retired God on Amazon

2006-06-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

Children of A Retired God

He Said It: MOE Ene on Children of A Retired God

2006-06-13T21:47:00.000-07:00

"It (Children of A Retired God) is a collection of selected publications... political parleys, a sort of memoir, an autobiography … a magnificent mush of musings and past pensive passages rolled between two covers." - MOE ENE

http://www.kwenu.com/moe/2006/failed_freed_state.htm

Forthcoming Title: Tomorrow is Pregnant

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A collection of ten short stories from the author of Childen of A Retired God, slated for publication in December 2006.

Forthcoming Titles and Publication Dates from Iroko Productions LLC

Short Story Collections

A Lesson in German & Other Stories edited by Obiwu and Okey Ndibe, July 2007
Tomorrow is Pregnant by Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo, December 2006

Novel
Death on Mount Trashmore by Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo, TBD
Diary of the Last African Virgin by Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo, December 2007

Poetry

Behind the Shower Curtain by Bishop of Hess Island, TBD
Intimate Verses by Bishop of Hess Island, TBD
Kid from Labyrinth by Rudolf de passé, TBD
Songs of A Roadside Poet by Rudolf de passé, September 2007
Kid from Labyrinth by Bishop of Hess Island, TBD

Essays

Children of A Retired God by Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo, July 2006
Secrete Diary of General Sani Abacha & other Critics Choices by Dr. D. U. I. Damages, TBD
With God As Our Shrink by Dr. D. U. I. Damages, April 2007

Days of Our Lives

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July 1... smile!

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What I've Learned

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So far, so boring.

Life is boring because we play it safe. We delete things we should highlight. We dilute things we should distill. It is like driving on an interstate highway and hoping that everyone will obey the speed limit and abide by driving rules. They won’t. And that is what screws up those who play it safe.

I am searching for the things that people do not want to see. In such things, I have found the seed of our redemption as well as the root of our destruction. Those things shame us and hopefully, they will shame us to the point that we desist from doing them again.

Indifference is a nursery where inhumanity germinates. There is no greater destructive force on earth that is stronger than indifference. You are much more harmless if you clap for the powerful or kick the powerless than when you opt to be indifferent.

Vigilance is not cowardice.

How I wish truth will cease to be relative. But since it won’t, I will always lean on the truth as told by those who were the casualties of life – those who died; those who bear the scars; those who lost people; and those who lost possessions.

I used to believe Mozambique’s Samora Moises Machel that for the nation to live, the tribe must die. Now I know that it is like saying that for the anthill to live, the ants must die. It is the ants that build the anthill. For the anthill to live, the ants must be valued, celebrated and their consent must be obtained on the structure of the anthill they will live in.

A lesson from history is a terrible thing to waste.

I believe that as soon as you have a baby, your dreams begin to fester. Maybe that is how it is supposed to be. You begin to leave some things out. You begin to think about the next generation as if the work of your generation is done. Each diaper you change, changes your perception of life.

I know that no genuine struggle for survival is left unrewarded forever.

What is the use knowing what time I woke up, if you don’t care about the time I went to bed? I pulled into my driveway at 11.30 pm Sunday. I had spent the weekend in Boston. My household was asleep when I got in. I immediately went on line to read and reply my emails. I went to bed at 1.20 am and at 5.15 am I got up to get milk for Ijeamaka, my two year-old, who had woken up and was pounding on the mattress. She had not seen me in two days and when she saw me, she smiled and said with a surprised tone, “Wait a minute!”

Women! What about women? I haven’t heard anything about women since the days of my fathers.

Really! Turn that damn thing off and tell me about it.

Sex? I am an African - we don’t know anything about that.

Then it must be one of those things we are barred from speaking of in public.

Bling, bling! I do not wear Jewelries. I won’t know the difference if I saw them. But I have heard a lot about diamonds, how women won’t hate a man so much as to return his diamond. In light of that, I swear that I will put in my diary the name of the person who will buy me my first diamonds.

I drive a Toyota Camry – boring and ordinary, just like me. In fact, the color and model of my car is so common that I have not left the mall without first trying my keys at one old lady’s car. One old lady once caught me doing so and attempted to hit me with her handbag -as if that would scare me.

My favorite sandwich is steak and cheese from Great Steak & Potato Company. But if I cannot find it, I will always go with Burger King, number 5, biggie size.

I despise those characteristics that I do not have – like genius. Those that remember phone numbers without looking them up - those who drink Kahlua with ice and those tiny umbrellas on top, like models on some warm Islands - those who can resist saying what is on their minds - those who can swallow a smile - those who drive cars with navigation system.

For the best vacation, I will go to Brazil, during the Carnivals. Oh…. That is the heaven they talk about. That is also the place where one can fish for lost African souls, for there are many there.

I will retire to the place I want to die- which is Geneva, Switzerland.

Favorite time of day is anytime Fresh Air is on. It varies depending on the city where you are. Hi Terry.

When I was little, I had wanted to marry Janet Jackson. When I grew up, I upgraded it to Halle Berry. When I finally got married, I married Edna because she had more than Janet and Halle put together. In addition, she knows how to make bitter-leaf soup.

I am currently reading the nutritional facts of Aquaifina pure water. I cannot believe what I am seeing. I have always had the impression that I was drinking pure water.

I have no favorite ice cream. I am lactose intolerant – so please do not remind me of what I am missing.

I can live the rest of my life without writing again. Not even a check. Somehow, no one, not even my worst critic wished for that. That is cool.

I don’t use but in a sentence. I don’t think anyone but the devil should. But is the logo of purgatory. It makes me feel as if we are already in that room where the not-so-good and the not-so-bad wait.

Do I have any tattoo? No. In case you have not noticed, my skin is black - that is enough tattoo already.

The Author, in a lighter mood

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On Our April 20th Date

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For long, I staggered like a drunk along winding roads by the sea
In this web of stones and sands, I yearned for a miracle
Faithfully, I followed the smell of pine needles
I let lullaby from palm trees guide me
Since I discovered you, my soul has been warm
Gently, I stroll into the holies of heaven
Holding in my palm eternal flame
We close our eyes and dip into the grab bag
Some come up with stars, others with clouds
I came up with a queen – the winning number
Jealous are lilies over the curl of your lips
Shy are peacock who share catwalks with you.
Pyramids, as wonders, are less amazing as you
Watermelon, as sweet, is less succulent as you.
Pictures freeze history of yawn I called yesterday
Your coming breezes in seasons of bliss
Inside cupid’s truck are bars of gold
Morning papers missed this story of you and I
Because editors were busy awaiting the horn
An apron of joy I wear since your arrival
Your whisper is like silk
Your trust is like steel
Like rainbow in the sky
Your are the crown of my head
The ornament of my contented heart
When I become a writer
I will write about this daybreak you brought to my life
I am excited about our date – our April 20th date
When we shall go on an everlasting date.

Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo: A Newspaper's Editorial

2006-06-06T17:38:00.000-07:00

Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo is on a mission to write 1000 words every week on weird and succulent subjects until the year 2020. This is the year when he must have confused enough people into believing that he has any talent for writing.

This is not the first time he is trying a gimmick like this. In his high school, Nnobi High School, he tried very hard to get a paragraph published in his high school inter-house sports newsletter, but failed woefully. The printer’s devil even omitted his name on the graduating list of his class. At least, that was what he told us.

He, however, attempted to write a novel in high school. It was his greatest moment. That was after he read OLIVER TWIST. His novel attempt ended on the Acknowledgement page. His coconut head could not carry a story beyond the introduction stage. Knowing what we know now, we thank God that it did not happen any other way, otherwise, some unfortunate editors would have passed through the misery of reading his novel.

Somehow, despite looming questions over whether he graduated from high school or not, he managed to get into college. It was the Federal University of Technology, Akure, in Ondo State of Nigeria that accepted him. We don’t know what spell the school administration was on, but we do know that it was a big mistake. In fact, the school now admits that. In Akure, he abandoned his real calling – to be an Agricultural Engineer and began to write, out of sheer search for relevance. Sadly, it has not changed ever since. The more he struggles to escape obscurity, the deeper he sinks into it.

His colleagues at FUTA Press Club told us that he was solely responsible for the proscription of the Press in 1988. Out of guilt, he joined in the founding of Sputnik Press. Once again, he opened his big mouth wide and Sputnik was banned. If only the college had rusticated him as they had wanted, you and I would have been spared of his ranting. Instead, he was given a degree in Engineering and was pushed into a hapless world.

How he convinced May Ellen Ezeikel (MEE) of CLASSIQUE magazine that he could be a journalist is still under investigation. Rumor has it that he visited the Ogwugwu shrine in Okija before he approached MEE. We await the publication of the official list of Ogwugwu clientele for confirmation. But sadly, he became a journalist. He later got some unknown aliens to sneak him into the newsroom of PUNCH, GUARDIAN and DAILY MAIL. It was at the DAILY MAIL that he got his first column – “The Critics’ Choice.” The bug stuck ever since.

…You guessed right. He was fired at the DAILY MAIL for pointing his stinking finger into the eyes of Ibrahim Babangida. He sneaked out of the country just as Babangida was preparing a merit award for him. In London, he wrote for THE JOURNAL OF NIGERIAN AFFAIRS. Depressed by London’s insistence on excellence and lured by America’s accommodation of mediocrity, he landed on the shores of the United States and reverted to his rascality. For two years, he wrote the columns, “Random Thoughts of Rudolf” for New York based NIGERIA & AFRICA magazine, and, “Dateline USA” for London based NIGERIANNEWS newspaper. From 1999 - 2004, he called Nigeriaworld.com home.

Now you can read his works at kwenu.com and Nigeriavillagesquare.com.

His works have also been published by numerous newspapers and magazines as a proof that “editors are people paid to separate the chaff from the wheat and then go on to publish the chaff.” He is currently working on a movie, THE LAST AFRICAN VIRGIN. His first book, CHILDREN OF A RETIRED GOD will be published on July 1, 2006 by Iroko Productions LLC. Since he is not going away anytime soon, we need more feet to kick him around while he harasses our peace.

Rudolf Okonkwo’s claim to fame was his famous novel, DEATH ON MOUNT TRASHMORE. He has talked about it for years with affectionate enthusiasm. The only problem is that it has not been written. The novel only exists in his knucklehead.

For those interested in the source, Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo is a native of Nnobi, in Anambra State of Nigeria. He is married to Edna and they have a baby named Ijeamaka.
“I pity the wife and kid.”

Our sentiment too.

The Author's Baby

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Now this is not one of the children of a retired God

Ijeamaka

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Ijeamaka, a child of Africa

The Picture of the Author

2006-06-04T03:36:00.000-07:00

Children of A Retired God on Amazon

2006-06-04T03:32:00.000-07:00

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0976835436/sr=8-1/qid=1149417030/ref=sr_1_1/104-5777694-5205531?%5Fencoding=UTF8

The Book Cover

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About the Author

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Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo is from Nnobi in Anambra state, Nigeria. He has a Bachelor of Engineering degree from the Federal University of Technology in Akure, Ondo State. He worked as a reporter for many years in Nigeria, Europe, and North America. His columns appear in many journals including ThisDay, Champion, USAfricavoice, Vanguard, Independent and Class. For five years, he was a columnist for Nigeriaworld.com. His columns can be read at kwenu.com and Nigeriavillagesquare.com.

His short story, Phantom of the Python, is part of Authorme.com African Author 2006 volume.

He is currently working on a movie, THE LAST AFRICAN VIRGIN. His first book, CHILDREN OF A RETIRED GOD will be published on July 1, 2006. He is also the founder of Iroko Productions LLC and the Olaudah Equiano Prize for Fiction.

Okonkwo is married to Edna and they have one daughter named, Ijeamaka. He lives in Bay Shore, New York.