Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo: A Newspaper's Editorial
Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo is on a mission to write 1000 words every week on weird and succulent subjects until the year 2020. This is the year when he must have confused enough people into believing that he has any talent for writing.
This is not the first time he is trying a gimmick like this. In his high school, Nnobi High School, he tried very hard to get a paragraph published in his high school inter-house sports newsletter, but failed woefully. The printer’s devil even omitted his name on the graduating list of his class. At least, that was what he told us.
He, however, attempted to write a novel in high school. It was his greatest moment. That was after he read OLIVER TWIST. His novel attempt ended on the Acknowledgement page. His coconut head could not carry a story beyond the introduction stage. Knowing what we know now, we thank God that it did not happen any other way, otherwise, some unfortunate editors would have passed through the misery of reading his novel.
Somehow, despite looming questions over whether he graduated from high school or not, he managed to get into college. It was the Federal University of Technology, Akure, in Ondo State of Nigeria that accepted him. We don’t know what spell the school administration was on, but we do know that it was a big mistake. In fact, the school now admits that. In Akure, he abandoned his real calling – to be an Agricultural Engineer and began to write, out of sheer search for relevance. Sadly, it has not changed ever since. The more he struggles to escape obscurity, the deeper he sinks into it.
His colleagues at FUTA Press Club told us that he was solely responsible for the proscription of the Press in 1988. Out of guilt, he joined in the founding of Sputnik Press. Once again, he opened his big mouth wide and Sputnik was banned. If only the college had rusticated him as they had wanted, you and I would have been spared of his ranting. Instead, he was given a degree in Engineering and was pushed into a hapless world.
How he convinced May Ellen Ezeikel (MEE) of CLASSIQUE magazine that he could be a journalist is still under investigation. Rumor has it that he visited the Ogwugwu shrine in Okija before he approached MEE. We await the publication of the official list of Ogwugwu clientele for confirmation. But sadly, he became a journalist. He later got some unknown aliens to sneak him into the newsroom of PUNCH, GUARDIAN and DAILY MAIL. It was at the DAILY MAIL that he got his first column – “The Critics’ Choice.” The bug stuck ever since.
…You guessed right. He was fired at the DAILY MAIL for pointing his stinking finger into the eyes of Ibrahim Babangida. He sneaked out of the country just as Babangida was preparing a merit award for him. In London, he wrote for THE JOURNAL OF NIGERIAN AFFAIRS. Depressed by London’s insistence on excellence and lured by America’s accommodation of mediocrity, he landed on the shores of the United States and reverted to his rascality. For two years, he wrote the columns, “Random Thoughts of Rudolf” for New York based NIGERIA & AFRICA magazine, and, “Dateline USA” for London based NIGERIANNEWS newspaper. From 1999 - 2004, he called Nigeriaworld.com home.
Now you can read his works at kwenu.com and Nigeriavillagesquare.com.
His works have also been published by numerous newspapers and magazines as a proof that “editors are people paid to separate the chaff from the wheat and then go on to publish the chaff.” He is currently working on a movie, THE LAST AFRICAN VIRGIN. His first book, CHILDREN OF A RETIRED GOD will be published on July 1, 2006 by Iroko Productions LLC. Since he is not going away anytime soon, we need more feet to kick him around while he harasses our peace.
Rudolf Okonkwo’s claim to fame was his famous novel, DEATH ON MOUNT TRASHMORE. He has talked about it for years with affectionate enthusiasm. The only problem is that it has not been written. The novel only exists in his knucklehead.
For those interested in the source, Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo is a native of Nnobi, in Anambra State of Nigeria. He is married to Edna and they have a baby named Ijeamaka.
“I pity the wife and kid.”
Our sentiment too.
This is not the first time he is trying a gimmick like this. In his high school, Nnobi High School, he tried very hard to get a paragraph published in his high school inter-house sports newsletter, but failed woefully. The printer’s devil even omitted his name on the graduating list of his class. At least, that was what he told us.
He, however, attempted to write a novel in high school. It was his greatest moment. That was after he read OLIVER TWIST. His novel attempt ended on the Acknowledgement page. His coconut head could not carry a story beyond the introduction stage. Knowing what we know now, we thank God that it did not happen any other way, otherwise, some unfortunate editors would have passed through the misery of reading his novel.
Somehow, despite looming questions over whether he graduated from high school or not, he managed to get into college. It was the Federal University of Technology, Akure, in Ondo State of Nigeria that accepted him. We don’t know what spell the school administration was on, but we do know that it was a big mistake. In fact, the school now admits that. In Akure, he abandoned his real calling – to be an Agricultural Engineer and began to write, out of sheer search for relevance. Sadly, it has not changed ever since. The more he struggles to escape obscurity, the deeper he sinks into it.
His colleagues at FUTA Press Club told us that he was solely responsible for the proscription of the Press in 1988. Out of guilt, he joined in the founding of Sputnik Press. Once again, he opened his big mouth wide and Sputnik was banned. If only the college had rusticated him as they had wanted, you and I would have been spared of his ranting. Instead, he was given a degree in Engineering and was pushed into a hapless world.
How he convinced May Ellen Ezeikel (MEE) of CLASSIQUE magazine that he could be a journalist is still under investigation. Rumor has it that he visited the Ogwugwu shrine in Okija before he approached MEE. We await the publication of the official list of Ogwugwu clientele for confirmation. But sadly, he became a journalist. He later got some unknown aliens to sneak him into the newsroom of PUNCH, GUARDIAN and DAILY MAIL. It was at the DAILY MAIL that he got his first column – “The Critics’ Choice.” The bug stuck ever since.
…You guessed right. He was fired at the DAILY MAIL for pointing his stinking finger into the eyes of Ibrahim Babangida. He sneaked out of the country just as Babangida was preparing a merit award for him. In London, he wrote for THE JOURNAL OF NIGERIAN AFFAIRS. Depressed by London’s insistence on excellence and lured by America’s accommodation of mediocrity, he landed on the shores of the United States and reverted to his rascality. For two years, he wrote the columns, “Random Thoughts of Rudolf” for New York based NIGERIA & AFRICA magazine, and, “Dateline USA” for London based NIGERIANNEWS newspaper. From 1999 - 2004, he called Nigeriaworld.com home.
Now you can read his works at kwenu.com and Nigeriavillagesquare.com.
His works have also been published by numerous newspapers and magazines as a proof that “editors are people paid to separate the chaff from the wheat and then go on to publish the chaff.” He is currently working on a movie, THE LAST AFRICAN VIRGIN. His first book, CHILDREN OF A RETIRED GOD will be published on July 1, 2006 by Iroko Productions LLC. Since he is not going away anytime soon, we need more feet to kick him around while he harasses our peace.
Rudolf Okonkwo’s claim to fame was his famous novel, DEATH ON MOUNT TRASHMORE. He has talked about it for years with affectionate enthusiasm. The only problem is that it has not been written. The novel only exists in his knucklehead.
For those interested in the source, Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo is a native of Nnobi, in Anambra State of Nigeria. He is married to Edna and they have a baby named Ijeamaka.
“I pity the wife and kid.”
Our sentiment too.
posted by Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo at 5:38 PM
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